Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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