I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
