Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
