I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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