I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
