Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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