I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
