careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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