So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
