I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
