There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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