You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
