you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
