babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
