it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
