I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
