Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
