she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
