What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
