I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
