Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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