Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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