the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
