It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
