Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
