foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
