maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Even my vagina gasped.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
