It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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