8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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