i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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