how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your cock deserves a montage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
