I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
