So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
