Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
