The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Are we still banned from the library?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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