trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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