Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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