Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
