He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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