im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
