I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
