I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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