I hate your face
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
