Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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