After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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