Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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