The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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