We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
