You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
