i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
