That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me I should be a condom model.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
