3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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